Please look at this for:
-Accurate fig. language
-tone analysis
-Hook Statement
-Clear topics
-transitions
-spelling
-punctuation
-wording
The Sea of Death
I am walking in the woods to my
deer stand and I see fresh blood but not normal blood. It seems more black and rotten,
I take the gun of the my back and take a good look around make sure there is
nothing watching me. There is too many trees to see around, it's getting close to
dawn and still no sign of an animal or a possible human. I have been looking
for 15 minutes and the blood is just pure black and the sky is, too, but then it just
stops. “Could it really be?” I say to myself and then…
Drip, drop blood on my head I am too scared to look up but it is natural instinct. It is a giant daunting werewolf sitting straight above. I have never seen such a creepy looking animal in my life not even in the movies. I try not to move it jumps down from the colossal branch in front of me and crash it lands right in front of me it was like a med-ore falling from the sky and I am so terrified I drop the gun and it shoots pow but it doesn't matter I still run I felt like I was running like a cheetah. Then I come up on a giant cliff that felt like 1 million miles deep. I look down and I see these freaky lumps coming out of the water and I figure out what they are they are body’s! Not knowing what to do the werewolf is coming at me the leaves are getting louder. I am so scared that it seemed like a movie. There is only on choice I have it is to jump and I did! It felt like the longest time going down and I hear the werewolf howling and I have my toes pointed down ready for the fall and I fell my toes feeling the stinky air gasping water and….
Drip, drop blood on my head I am too scared to look up but it is natural instinct. It is a giant daunting werewolf sitting straight above. I have never seen such a creepy looking animal in my life not even in the movies. I try not to move it jumps down from the colossal branch in front of me and crash it lands right in front of me it was like a med-ore falling from the sky and I am so terrified I drop the gun and it shoots pow but it doesn't matter I still run I felt like I was running like a cheetah. Then I come up on a giant cliff that felt like 1 million miles deep. I look down and I see these freaky lumps coming out of the water and I figure out what they are they are body’s! Not knowing what to do the werewolf is coming at me the leaves are getting louder. I am so scared that it seemed like a movie. There is only on choice I have it is to jump and I did! It felt like the longest time going down and I hear the werewolf howling and I have my toes pointed down ready for the fall and I fell my toes feeling the stinky air gasping water and….
I enjoyed the scary and creepy beginning. You also had a great voice throughout the piece. I would score this in the 8.5 and 9 range because you definitely showed a creative, but interesting story. The reason why I wouldn't score it any higher is because I think if you made it longer, you could of made this piece a lot more interesting for the reader and the reader would enjoy it more.
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